Parents as influencers

Why is important to speak about healthy relationship with your Teen?

Parents and family members are the main influencers of youth. Family determine relationship models – positive or negative – and their exclusion in the conversation can influences on children’s beliefs attitudes and future behaviors. Including them as part of the beneficiary, we are guaranteeing the relevant of talking about healthy relationships and not just tell their kids what not to do.

Respect Yourself

Parents do not always realize it, but you can play a powerful role in helping your teen to make healthy decisions in their live-hood. It is very likely that your son or daughter is experiencing significant emotional, psychological and physical changes so be prepared to help them! At this moment, your teen needs more than ever your help. They are living one of the most challenging time in their life. The puberty!! I know that it is hard to find ways to communicate with your teen. They are in this period of life that they are seeking independence and turning to peers. Running away from parents-talk! But, we recommend you to hang on because right now, your teen is forming relationships that set the stage for future relationships. The best way to start is by: Respecting your-self so you can respect others! You need to become a model. You need to respect your-self! Because true respect starts on the inside. And once you have it, the only way to keep it is to give it away. So, let start by sharing with you 6 respect basic tips:

TRUTH

Be honest about who you are and your road. Only by accepting your-self and be truthful about you- self, you are accepting yourself and recovering from disrespect.

VALUABLE

Believe that you are a valuable human being

TRUST Your Gut

Listen to yourself when making choices and setting boundaries.

BOUNDARIES

Do be afraid and Speak up! Create personal limits based on your values and goals. Say no when you want to. Be clear about you need and who you are.

COMPASSION

Listen to others with an open heart. Remember, respect is about equality. It is about to accept that everybody matter: to treat people how you want to be treated and respect others’ boundaries.

SPREAD Respect

Be a leader for your children who spreads respect in your daily life and our world.

Gender Roles & Gender Stereotypes

What is gender roles and gender stereotypes?

Gender roles are social construction about what we think is appropriate behaviors for males and females in our society. Culture plays an important role in how we define women, men, girls and boys, on how we should behave and act at the individual, family and community level. What we are saying is that our culture is determining the status of and power relations between women, men, girls and boys. We recommend you to start the conversation as early as possible with your children and to talk about the impact of gendered expectations on choices, existing friendships and future relationships. The acceptation of gender stereotypes and roles can have longer-term negative influences on children’s beliefs attitudes and future behaviors. For example: a survey developed between young people with 12 to 18 years old have found that:

  • One in three think that exerting control over someone is not a form of violence.
  • One in four do not think that it is serious, if a man who is normally gentle with his partner, slapped her when drunk.
  • One in four think that street harassment is not serious.
  • One in six think that women should know their place.
  • One in six think that it is ok for a guy to pressure a girl into sex if they are both drunk.

Because of that, we encourage you to make a different at home! Before starting the conversation with your teen about gender roles and gender stereotypes, we recommend you to answer the following questionnaire. First, you need to break with the gender stereotypes that you may portray at home, so your teen can grow up feeling and looking a model and avoiding unhealthy relationship.

Let start testing your-self!

How can you avoid Gender Roles & Gender Stereotypes ?

You are the model for them and a key on how your son/daughter is learning about gender roles and gender stereotypes. The roles that you take on inside and outside the home and through the language used with your children, your interaction with other adults and family members is their example and will determine their future healthy relations of your child. For example:

Click here for examples
  • How roles and tasks are shared both within and outside the home (i.e. cooking, cleaning, child-rearing, mowing the lawn, managing household finances, taking kids to the park and going to work).
  • Themes and colors of clothes, toys and presents given to your children.
  • Interactions between your family members, for example, how decisions are made within the home.
  • Expectations placed on different family members based on gender. For example, that it is the responsibility of women and girls to care for others such as remembering birthdays or that the male family members should take on the ‘comedian’ role.
  • Language used based on gender, such as commenting on the appearance of girls and commenting on the actions and abilities of boys.
  • How you reward or discipline behavior that adheres to accepted notions of gender. For example, through statements such as ‘boys do not cry’, or ‘boys will be boys’ to excuse inappropriate behavior.

How can you start the conversation with your son/daughter about Gender Roles/Stereotypes

We recommend you to find everyday situation as an opportunity to challenge gender roles and stereotypes. Some tips on how to break your child gender stereotypes:

 

  • Encourage mixed-gender playdates, and expand the range of activities for each gender. Boys and girls who play together tend to engage in more varied activities. To play with opposite sex help to break with assumption of “boys things” and “girls things”.
  • Reinforce behaviors that break stereotypes. Rather than rule out certain stereotypical behaviors, make a point of reinforcing those that challenge the stereotype. For example:
    • Girls – You can say to then wear this pant today was a good idea. It may easier to play in the garden.
    • Boys – When a father see his boy crying, he can say: “Sometimes I feel like crying too.”
  • Question all generalizations. Encourage your child to deal with other kids as individuals in specific situations rather than as representatives of their gender. “If, for example, your son comes home complaining, ‘Girls are so stupid!’ try saying something like ‘It sounds like you’re angry at someone. Who are you angry at?’
  • Ensure that children receive equal praise for the same behavior. For example: praising both boys and girls for to clean their room or being active in physical activities.
  • Point out, critique and discuss gendered representations in the media.
  • Avoid gender specific language and statements such as “that’s is girly” and “that is not men job”.

Romantic Relationships

How can you start the conversation with your son/daughter about Gender Roles/Stereotypes

Welcome to one of the most challenging talk between parent and their children: Romantic Relationship. We know that it is difficult to speak with your son/daughter about romantic relation but part of being a teenager, is exploring new relationships. To avoid unhealthy romantic relationship, we recommend you to help your teen and speak openly about romantic relationship so they can do smart decision.

You need to know – Teens want to be close to others. Making good friends is a big part of the teen years. This includes having girlfriends and boyfriends. While many parents want their teens to wait to explore sexuality, most teens have romantic relationship before 20. So, let start the conversation by speaking with your son/daughter about healthy relationship.

Before you open the discussion with you child, test you-self and make sure that you are been a good model at home.

Start the Conversation

It is time to start the conversation!!! We will help you by sharing with you 10 tips on how to talk about healthy relationship with your teens:

1. Encourage
Encourage open, honest, and thoughtful reflection. Talk openly with young teens about healthy relationships. Allow them to articulate his or her values and expectations for healthy relationships. Rather than dismissing ideas as “wrong”, encourage debate —this helps young people come to his or her own understanding.

2. Be sensitive & firm
Parenting a young teen is not easy—especially when it comes to helping him or her navigate their way through relationships. To be effective, you will need to find the balance between being sensitive and firm. Try to adapt to the changes faced by your child. Be willing to talk openly and respect differences of opinion. And, realize that the decisions you make will sometimes be unpopular with your young teen.
3. Understand teen development
Adolescence is all about experimentation. From mood swings to risk taking, “normal teenage behaviour” can appear anything-but-normal. New research, however, reveals that brain development during these formative years play a significant role in young teen’s personality and actions. Knowing what’s “normal” is critical to helping you better understand and guide young people.
4. Understand the pressure and the risk teens face.
Preteens and young teens face new and increasing pressures about sex, substance abuse and dating. Time and time again, young teens express their desire to have parents/role models take the time to listen to them and help them think through the situations they face – be that person!
5. Take a clear stand
Make sure young teens know how you feel about disrespect, use of abusive or inappropriate language, controlling behaviour, or any forms of violence.
6. Make the most of “teachable moments”
Use TV episodes, movies, music lyrics, news, community events or the experiences of friends to discuss healthy and unhealthy relationships.
7. Discuss how to be an “up stander”
Teach teens how to stand-up for friends when he or she observes unhealthy treatment of his or her friends.
8. Accentuate the positive
Conversations about relationships do not need to focus solely on risky behaviour or negative consequences. Conversations should also address factors that promote healthy adolescent development and relationships.
9. Be an active participant in your young teen’s life
Explore ways to know more about your young teen’s friends and interests. Find activities you can do together.
10. Be prepared to make mistakes
You will make mistakes. Accept that you will make mistakes, but continue to help teens make responsible choices while trying to maintain that delicate balance of being sensitive, but firm.

How to let them know what is unhealthy relationship?

Explain to your child that gender based violence in romantic relationships is a destructive behaviour based on power and control over a dating partner.

Most probably, your child may not think as a big deal unhealthy behaviours. However, you need to make sure that they understand that possessiveness, insults, jealous accusations, yelling, humiliation, pulling hair, pushing or other negative, abusive behaviours, are—at their root—exertions of power and control.

To clarify what is unhealthy relationship, you should explain to your son/daughter the forms of gender based violence in romantic relationship:

  • Physical: hitting, slapping, choking, kicking
  • Emotional/Verbal: putting you down; embarrassing you in public (online or off); threatening you in any way; telling you what to do or what to wear
  • Sexual: pressuring or forcing you to do anything sexual, including sexting; restricting access to birth control
  • Financial: preventing you from working, controlling your money.
  • Digital: sending threats via text, social media or email; stalking or humiliating you on social media; logging into your social media or email accounts without permission; forcing you to share passwords.


How I know that my child in in unhealthy relationship?

Teen dating abuse describes actual or threatened acts of physical, sexual, psychological, and verbal harm by a partner, boyfriend, girlfriend or someone wanting a romantic relationship. Remember, abuse can also include using the internet, social networking sites, cell phones, or text messaging to harass, pressure, or victimize.

This are some sign that can help you to notice if you child is in an unhealthy romantic relationship:

  • Spending less time with family and friends?
  • Excessive text messaging and phone calling.
  • Giving up things that used to be important to her/him?
  • Starts having declining grades or missing school
  • Changing their way of wearing.
  • Worried about upsetting her/his boyfriend/girlfriend?
  • Apologizing or making excuses for her/his boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s behaviour?
  • Has injuries he/she tries to cover up or can’t explain

Bullying!

What is Bullying?

Unfortunately, bullying is a common problem now days in the school but do not get discouraged. You can play a key role in preventing and responding to bullying. If you know or suspect that your child is involved in bullying, we will help you!

    First, you need to know what is bullying and what is not! - click here to learn more

    Bullying is aggressive behaviour that is typically repeated over time. It is meant to cause harm, fear or distress or create a negative environment at school for another student. Bullying occurs in a situation where there is a real or perceived power imbalance. We cannot confuse bullying with conflict. Conflict is a disagreement between two or more students who have a difference of opinion or different views. In conflict, each student feels comfortable expressing his or her views, and there is no power imbalance. Each student feels able to state his or her view point.

    BUT

    Conflict can become bullying when it is repeated over and over again and there is a power imbalance. The student who is the recipient of the aggressive conflict may feel less and less able to express his or her point of view and feel more and more powerless. That is when negative conflict may turn into bullying.

    REMEMBER!!! Bullying can be:

     

    • physical – hitting, shoving, damaging or stealing property
    • sexual – touching, physical contact, sexual assault
    • verbal – name calling, mocking, or making sexist, racist or homophobic comments
    • social – excluding others from a group or spreading gossip or rumours about them
    • written – writing notes or signs that are hurtful or insulting
    • electronic (commonly known as cyber-bullying) – spreading rumours and hurtful comments through the use of e-mail, cell phones (e.g., text messaging) and on social media sites.

    What are the consequences of bullying?

    You must know that bullying is a problem that does not only affect to the bullied but also to those who bully and those who witness bullying.

    Bullying is linked to many negative outcomes including impacts on mental health, substance use, and suicide. Have a look to the risk of bullying.

    Depression and anxiety; increased feelings of sadness and loneliness; changes in sleep and eating patterns; loss of interest in activities they used to enjoy. These issues may persist into adulthood.

    Health complaints

    Decreased academic achievement and school participation. They are more likely to miss, skip, or drop out of school.

    Abuse alcohol and other drugs in adolescence and as adults

    Get into fights, vandalize property, and drop out of school

    Engage in early sexual activity

    Have criminal convictions and traffic citations as adults

    Be abusive toward their romantic partners, spouses, or children as adults

    Have increased use of tobacco, alcohol, or other drugs

    Have increased mental health problems, including depression and anxiety

    Miss or skip school

    How to talk to my kid about bullying?

    We recommend you to start the conversation by speaking with you child about how to be a good friend. By helping your child to understand what is to be a good friend, you will be able to ensure that her/him will develop healthy relationships now and in the future.

    Here are some tips on how to start the conversation:

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    What does it mean to you to be a good friend?

    Recommend to your child to:

    • Be a good listener.
    • Support and help you when you need it.
    • Show you love and caring.
    • Willing to call you out/to make a tough call if see you in risk
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    Ask what she/he would do if a friend is being disrespectful to another friend?

    Recommend to your child to:

    • Do not join in on it. Instead, call your friend out.
    • If you witness a situation that makes you feel unsafe, do not intervene directly. Ask someone you trust, such as me, a coach, teacher, or school consuler, for help.
    • If you think someone you know might be in an abusive relationship, let them know there are people they can talk to and resources that can help, like a trusted adult or the school psychology or social worker.

    Through these questions, you will be able to know if you child understands or/and accept disrespectful behaviour and if they have witness bullying. Now, it is time to speak about bullying!

    Start the conversations with questions:

    • What does “bullying” mean to you?
    • Describe what kids who bully are like. Why do you think people bully?
    • Who are the adults you trust most when it comes to things like bullying?
    • Have you ever felt scared to go to school because you were afraid of bullying?
    • What ways have you tried to change it? What do you think I can do to help stop bullying?
    • Have you or your friends left other kids out on purpose? Do you think that was bullying? Why or why not?
    • What do you usually do when you see bullying going on?
    • Do you ever see kids at your school being bullied by other kids? How does it make you feel?
    • Have you ever tried to help someone who is being bullied? What happened? What would you do if it happens again?

    How to support my kid if it is involved in bullying?

    As previously we have referred, all the kids involved in bullying can be affected in short and long term in their life. That it is why, we recommend you to stand up and become an adult ally against bullying!


    How to protect my child from cyberbullying?

    As we indicated before, cyberbullying is bullying that takes place using electronic technology. Electronic technology includes devices and equipment such as cell phones, computers, and tablets as well as communication tools including social media sites, text messages, chat, and websites. For Examples: text messages or emails, rumours sent by email or posted on social media or posting embarrassing pictures or videos in social media.

    You must know that cyberbullying is equal or worse than the traditional bullying. The reasons are:
    • It can happen 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. This mean that it is not stop and can happen day or night. It creates the feeling that it is not place safe.
    • The messages and images can be posted anonymously and fast. Making sometimes difficult to trace the bullied.
    • As you know, when something fault in internet, it is very difficult to delated.
    Because of all this, we recommend you to take serious the cyberbullying and take step to make sure that your child is save. What to do?
    • Be aware what your child is doing online
    • Talk regularly and specifically with your children about online issues. Let them know they can come to you for help if anything is inappropriate, upsetting, or dangerous.
    • Establish rules about technology use. Set time limits, explain your reasons for them, and discuss rules for online safety and Internet use
    • Recommend to your children not to respond to any cyberbullying threats or comments online. However, do not delete any of the messages. Instead, print out all the messages. You need prove to save your child!
    • If your child is being cyber-bullying, you should not overreact by blaming your child. Be supportive and understanding!
    • Never threat your child to take away you’re her/him the computers. This only forces kids to be more secretive.
    • Talk to the school

    How can I advise my child about cyberbullying?

    We recommend you to teach your child the following internet using safety:

    • Make sure that she/him use the privacy settings.
    • Tell her/ him to always respect others and to be careful what you say online.
    • Ask her/him to be careful what pictures or videos you upload. A picture shared, cannot be taken back!
    • Recommend her/him to add only the people that they know and trust: friends and family.
    • Advice her/him to keep in secret their password
    • Teach them to block the bully and how to report someone who is behaving badly.
    • Let her know that the best way to stop something is by saving the evidence. Always keep a copy of offending e-mails, text messages or a screen grab of online conversations and to pass to you.
    • Make sure that you tell them that she/him can trust Share this:
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